The Story of The Bride *hehe*

Haven't been around for a while, but I'm loaded with stories :)

My mom, who happens to be an Italian, seems more Egyptian to me than any other Egyptian woman I know. Nowadays, she's doing everything in her power to find me a "bride".

Why? Why, all of a sudden? I have no idea. I mean I can do it myself. And I want MY someone, mesh ay 7ad ya3ny. And so, bna2an 3ala talab el gamaheer I had to agree and go see this "amazing" girl as she said.

7ader ya sety, I say.

I get dressed, my sister gets dressed (she insisted to come along and actually I wanted her to as I trust her opinion even though she's much younger), mom gets dressed. Dad said he wouldn't come. I agreed tab3an 3ashan ana aslan ma3rafhash wala 7atta raye7 at2adem. I was going to see her.

We agreed to meet at a lovely cafe. I was actually reluctant to go there. I love the place, setting and music. And if things don't work out or turn downright annoying or whatever, this place will always remind me of that and I'll always be upset, coming here.

Anyway, I dislike the idea. I mean it's not like I'm against it. I have a couple of friends who got married that way even though they never thought they would. They said they would have rather been shot in the head than get married "the salon" way. LOL.

Mom told me she knows her mother and so on. Let's call the girl "E". I hadn't seen her before and well...I had no expectations.

We'd agreed to meet at 7. We were there at 6:45 (If it were up to me, I would have arrived at 9 :D since I'm always late) but well...I didn't want to leave the wrong impression esp. that they know mother. I also wanted to go early to have coffee without being interrupted.

It's half past seven and they haven't showed up yet. Mom is irritated, I'm smiling foolishly at the idea and how idiotic we all look. My sister is talking to her friends on the cell phone all the time to pass time.

Finally, mom gets a call on her cell from the girl's mother (3la maftakaro) that they are on their way and "sorry we are late".

OK, anyway ten minutes later they arrive. I know them right away. I don't like the mother right away. She looks...mean? This can't be my future MIL and like in the movies, I see scenes of my future with her, how she yells at me and her daughter. I shiver.

The girl is...well, she didn't draw my attention and she doesn't have to be Miss Beauty USA to achieve that. I mean you can always be drawn to someone who's not considered beautiful, but is attractive. She looks rather plain. She is elegant, but is really tall. She's as tall as me and no girl should ever be as tall!

They approach us and E is making me feel like she's a model on a catwalk. We shake hands, she grabs the chair next to me quickly leaving me even no chance to do so, nudges her mother and sits down. Her hair is weird. I mean is this supposed to be curly? I wonder. She is also wearing very tight sweater and pants, eih da?

E's mother: Ma3lesh ya gama3a et2akharna 3alikom, asl Wallahi E is always so busy with work.
Me:?? (I look at my sister and she seems pretty amused and I realize right away she doesn't like E)

Anyway, the two mothers talk together. I am silent, I have no idea what to say. My sister tries to help.

Sister: So, E, tell me more about your job (my sis is on my left and E is on my right).
E: Well I basically...
And she goes on and on and on nostop. Somebody help us. She has an interesting job, but she made it sound so darn boring.

E gazes at the menu.
Me: "What would you like to order?" I usher to the waiter.
E: "I don't know." The waiter approaches and everyone tells him what they want. E's mother wants a salad, my mom orders a cappuccino, my sister fresh juice and I ask for tea and cake.

It's E's turn. The waiter is waiting.
E: "OK, I'll have....Mom, what should I have?"
The Mother: "How should I know?" she looks irritated.
E: "Is it my mistake I'm asking you? I'm so confused. I mean they have many lovely things. Should I eat or drink or what?"
The Mother: "You can eat when we go home. Have a drink now."
E: "But I'm hungry..." almost heartbroken.

I look at my sister and we both try not to burst laughing.

The waiter is upset, too. I tell him to give her two more minutes till she decides. They guy is relieved and escapes.

After exchanging look with her mother and I restraining myself from laughing like an idiot. She finally decides she will have ice cream.

I'm not against ice cream. I love it, but that story took place one month ago and it was freezing. I'm not even sure they had ice cream.

Whatever...

The waiter brings our stuff later and tells her the ice cream is on the way. She stares at mom's cappuccino and my tea and ushers to the waiter. "I don't want ice cream. I want cappuccino."

I can't restrain the laughter anymore, but I have to. Thank God then I see a friend of mine who's about to leave the cafe. And I excuse myself and go with him outside and laugh so hard the guy wonders if I'm sane.

When I go back inside, a girl standing by the door asks me what time it is and I tell her.

I go sit down and E is giving me that "2arfana" look.

I ask, "What's wrong?"

E: "You shouldn't have talked to that girl by the door."

Me: thinking "Kan yom eswed yom ma shoftek ya E", I ask WHY.

E: "She's been staring at you. I mean she's so rude. Doesn't she realize you have someone with you?"

I restrain the laughter again. I tell her she was asking me what time it was.

Anyway, E then starts to ask me. 3arfeen ya gama3a kanet betas2alny eih?

"Bet7eb meen aktar; Haifa wala Elissa wala Nancy?"

Me: "Men ne7yet eih ya3ny? El sot wala el shakl?"

E: "La2 el shakl tab3an. Ana ba7eb Haifa 3ashan ba7ess eneha set begad."

Me" Ya salam! We 3refty ezay ba2a?"

E: looking away and pretending to be shy (and I recall a sentence a friend once said to me "edala3 ya bor3y" "Asl kolaha enossa."

Me: "Yemken bardo."

E: "Bet7eb tesafer fein in the summer?"

Me: "Italia 3ashan mama men Italia tab3an w England kaman 7elwa awy. I also love Hurghada and Alexandria. Do you like to read?"

E: "La2 besara7a...Bazha2."

Me: "Tab eih hewayatek?"

E: "I love my job and it leaves me no free time. Bas I also like to go out with my friends."

Me: "What are your dreams, tayyeb?"

E: "3ady ya3ny...mafeesh."

Mafeesh! Ya nehar eswed! NO DREAMS!!!

She then proceeds to tell me about her ex-boyfriends! Yes, just like you read it. I mean she's trying not to get into intimate details, but she tells me how she was connected to everyone of them and what they lacked...oh and what they looked like 3ashan kan feehom etnien "7elween awy". LOL.

My mother already knows it's a NO. A big fat NO.

E's mother proceeds to ask me questions about my job and I love talking about my job. I try to say little, but interesting stuff so as not to bore them. And I look at E and she's on the freakin phone, laughing with someone.

Her mother looks ta her again and E hangs up and says, "Sorry ya gama3a, it's my manager. He can't make a move without talking to me first and he was asking me what gift he should get his wife."

This is it! My wife will NEVER be like that.

I can't take it anymore and my sister nudges mom.

Moral of the story: Don't have ice cream on a rainy day. LOL. No, I mean this is to everyone who says most girls are so intellectual. I know she's just one person, but if all girls are like that I don't want to get married.